Why Candy Crush Saga Drives Me Nuts

I am incredibly late to the game when it comes to Candy Crush Saga. My wife has been playing for months while feeding our infant son, and I resisted installing the game as much as I could. For some reason, I gave in last month.

At first, I did not connect the game to Facebook. I had resisted this game for so long, I didn’t want people to know that I was playing. But, last week, I connected the game on my wife’s advice and the lure of free lives. That’s where I got angry.

As I’ve been stuck on level 64 for the past few days, a sugar-melting lava of contempt has been boiling inside me, and I’m fed up with what this game does to people. Of course, the real objective of the game is the same as a carnival game: to get the player to keep spending money. I get it, King. You’re building a business model here, and I’m not going to bang on you too hard for that. But, at least Zynga games are accomplishable without shelling out a dollar or two every few days.

So, that’s why they have the “ask your friends” mode on Facebook. If you don’t want to pay any money, just ask your other addicted friends to help you unlock the next episode or give you just one more life.

Just one more taste, Johnny. That’s all I need.

To me, that makes actually paying for levels and lollipop hammers seem palatable. At best, all we’re doing with this Facebook assistance is giving each other the gift of an enjoyable afternoon shit. At worst, we’re enabling each other to spend free time flipping jelly beans when we could be encouraging these same “friends” to make or do something awesome with that time. It just feels wrong.