It's always the salad bar's fault.
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Your mom probably told you that you can't buy friendship. We're saying she is wrong. Visit itsonlytwodollars.com and become a patron of the show.
Absolve the latent guilt you've been carrying all these years. $5.00 friends gain access to a bonus feed of exclusive content. Aftershow topics, shenanigans, and awkward good nights can be yours.
Support the show. Your conscience will be as clear as Paul's colon.